SOLVED85

Post a paragraph you have written recently – preferably from your Blog Post/Discipline Awareness essay draft, but it could also be from something you are working on from another class. Then, after reading and watching the selections on cohesion, revise the paragraph to improve the transitions and cohesiveness. Include signal phrases as appropriate. Finally, apply the 10 tips for concision: is there room to make your paragraph less wordy?

***Please be sure to post both the original and the revised version so we can see how you have applied the lesson. Identify your changes with highlighting, bold font and/or strikethrough.***

 

Original:

Considering the elderly population, one may automatically assume they must face more challenges than the young adult population. When it comes to elder care in rural communities, seven factors compound disease prevention and health promotion efforts to identify and reduce modification risk: 1) Availability, 2) Accessibility, 3) Affordability, 4) Awareness, 5) Adequacy, 6) Acceptability, and 7) Assessment (DeMarco & Healey-Walsh, 2020). Each factor concentrates on a different aspect of the challenges the elderly population deals with, which is why it is vital for us, especially as nurses and future nurses, to know them. Availability concerns the need for more number and diversity of formal services and providers. Accessibility has to do with shortages of adequate, appropriate, and affordable transportation. Affordability is concerned with poverty and an inability to pay for services. Awareness needs to be higher levels of information dissemination. Adequacy is about the need for service standards and evaluation. Acceptability describes the reluctance to ask for help. Lastly, the Assessment needs more introductory information on what is required using research rigor and analysis.

While all the factors listed above are urgent, especially for older people, we must remember why they are essential. According to HealthyPeople.gov, lack of access or limited access to health services dramatically impacts an individual’s health status. For example, when individuals do not have health insurance, they are less likely to participate in preventative care and are more likely to delay medical treatment (HealthyPeople.gov, 2021). That element could cause challenges because when one aspect does not work out, another follows and causes a domino effect. This also leads to education; providing education to the elderly population is vital as it is not always provided. When the elderly population is provided with information and resources, that is a massive step in allowing them to take care of themselves and lead healthy lives successfully.

SCIENCE
HEALTH SCIENCE
NURSING
SOCIAL WOR SOCW2002

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